Come to the Party as Your Spirit Self
(Check your Ego at the Door)

Brad and Jan Lundy

Stillness is not a popular topic of discussion these days in our busy, noise-imbued culture, nor is it something that appears to be highly valued.  Can you imagine having a discussion about stillness with someone at the office Christmas party this year?  Or in the midst of a large family gathering at the peak of holiday excitement?  Yet, stillness is exactly what should be in the forefront of our consciousness at this time of year.  A touch point to check in with again and again, especially if we want to truly enjoy those events to the fullest, which is through our Spirit identity, rather than our ego identity.

Imagine, if you will, a crowded room full to overflowing with dozens of personalities at your next holiday celebration.  So many egos anxious to be noticed, perhaps, even made the center of attention.  Egos vying to be heard, acknowledged, or “right.”  Opinions and judgments flow as sumptuously as the hor d’hoerves and drinks.  In the blink of an eye, what was a casual, easy-going conversation can become a heated discussion.  Buttons being pushed.  The energy rising and given a little more ego fuel, an argument can begin.  Now the welcoming, joy-filled spirit of the season has flickered away; the flames of anger, discontent, and separation have come to pay a visit once more.

How many times have you witnessed this scenario yourself?  Perhaps even been a part of it?  We begin the holidays with such high hopes for our gatherings, but, often, they inevitably fall apart.  This happens because we do not access the still, small place within us where peace, love, and joy reside - our Spirit identity.  A powerful place of harmonious stillness.  Instead, we connect with one another through our ego selves.  When opinions are offered or certain behaviors engaged in, our ego self leaps at the chance to respond with its own opinion, judgment, or corresponding behavior.  We feel a strong emotion about the situation, and whoosh! - we’re swept away.  Gone in a flash.  Our loving self has been kidnapped by an irritated ego who wants nothing more than to wallow in upsettness.

What if, in that split-second moment, we could make a higher choice? Take a breath and notrespond (yes, literally, keep our mouth closed), then slip into the gap between our thoughts and emotions and observe.  By observing, we allow a few moments of stillness to work its magic.  To flow through our body/mind along with our breath naturally to calm us.  This breath/pause/stillness connection can provide us with the few precious seconds we need to observe how we are getting pulled into an ego response.  Take another breath and buy a few more seconds to make a new choice for ourselves - a Spirit-led choice to not engage with our ego self or theirs.  A few more breaths enable us to reconnect with our Spirit self and come back to center.

A moment of stillness can work miracles in any human encounter.  Stillness is the great cord cutter, allowing us to cut ourselves off from habituated ego responses.  Stillness can also reunite us with the inner terrain of Spirit - our native homeland where peace and joy abide.  This may sound simplistic, but it is true.  But then the greatest truths do always seem to be the simplest, don’t they?  The power of silence, the ability to get still, observe, and choose differently, may be one of the greatest truth inducers of all.

Accessing stillness is simple.  But easy?  No.  There is a vast difference between the two.  To access the stillness at our core does take practice, especially in the midst of challenging situations.  Especially when all those ego personalities around us are vying to be heard!  The traditional response when someone does or says something to disturb us is to lash out.  This is a habituated response of protection rooted in our lower (false, ego) self.  The response of our Spirit self is more gentle, quiet, and centered, and may take a few moments to access.  (Okay, we admit it.  Maybe hours, weeks, or years in some situations!)  With practice, though, a non-habituated response of stillness to center one’s self does get easier.

But we won’t know until we try.  Until we make a wholehearted commitment to relate to others differently and respond from a new place within ourselves.  Likely, this will happen when we decide that we’re just plain tired of conflict, of not getting along with others, or dealing with their personalities.  That’s the “Ah-ha” moment when we are ready to explore interacting with others in a whole new way.

This holiday season, there is a gift that’s waiting to be unwrapped.  It is the present of your own new awareness.  Awareness that you do have the ability to access stillness and transform all of your relationships by becoming the observer instead of the “engager” of your ego self.  All that is required is the positive intention to do so and a breath ... then another .... and another ... until the healing balm of stillness washes over you and inner peace, instead of conflict, prevails.  This is a true gift of the season.

Learn how to relate to others through your Spirit identity at the Lundy’s “Perfect Love Retreats,” offered for both couples and singles in February in Grand Rapids.  Visit www.EnjoyPerfectLove.com to learn more, or to purchase Perfect Love, their paradigm-shifting relationship book. (800) 831-3230. info@enjoyperfectlove.com