Gathering at the Family Table (minus the stress)

Cindy La Ferle

"It is not just the Great Works of mankind that make a culture.  It is the daily things, like what people eat and how they serve it." – Laurie Colwin

My favorite cooking magazine arrived in the mail earlier this month.  The cover photo features a masterpiece of a roasted turkey perched on a ceramic platter and encircled with a trio of traditional Thanksgiving side dishes.  It's truly a work of art, yet it stirs in me conflicting waves of nostalgia and guilty reminders of culinary incompetence.

To most readers, of course, the magazine cover represents the quintessential American meal.  It evokes warm-fuzzy images of cheerful grandmothers fussing in the kitchen, cherub-cheeked kids pulling their Windsor chairs to the table in unison, and sweater-clad dads leading everyone in prayer.  But hold on.  That's Norman Rockwell's version of a holiday, isn't it?

"It is my opinion that Norman Rockwell and his ilk have done more to make already anxious people feel guilty than anyone else," wrote the late Gourmet magazine columnist Laurie Colwin in More Home Cooking (Harper Perennial).  "I myself am reduced to worm size when contemplating his famous illustration of the farm family at the Thanksgiving table."

If a food columnist is daunted by the prospect of serving the definitive Thanksgiving feast, well, no wonder I am, too.

Furthermore, the way many Americans dine every day - out of a can or straight from the box - paints another picture entirely.  Today, the ordinary family meal seems to be going the way of the drive-in movie.  Nutritionists warn that we're becoming an unhealthy nation of snackers.  Always on the run, we munch alone in the car between phone calls, or gobble at the kitchen counter between errands.  Even family counselors warn that we're missing an essential part of human civilization if we don't gather at the table to break our daily bread and share the stories of our day.

Yet every aspect of modern living, from business meetings to soccer practice, makes it impossible for most families to share a meal every night at 6:00.  Routine trips to the supermarket are weighted with anxiety.  Conflicting health fads bombard us at every turn.

And who has time to follow those labor-intensive recipes in glossy shelter magazines?

"Many home cooks feel compelled to replicate the most complicated dishes before they deem themselves good cooks," explains Michele Urvater, author of the popular Monday-to-Friday cookbook series (Workman).  Urvater, a professional chef, admits that even she was "frequently too tired or too lazy" to cook for her own family.  She also overdosed on carry-out cuisine before designing a variety of family meals that are easy to prepare and clean up.  Part of her solution, which seems to help most working parents today, includes "one-pot" recipes that are simple enough for a youngster to follow.  I also like the way she gives us permission to improvise and break rules, which might mean serving eggs and toast for dinner.

"People, women especially, should not feel they are failing their families if they don't manage to cook a three-course dinner every night of the week,"  Urvater advises.  What really counts, she says, is that we take time to gather for nourishment – and companionship - around the table.

That's a good thing to remember as we plan our menus this season, whether we're making vegetarian pizzas or recreating Grandma June's stuffing recipe for Thanksgiving.  Let's count our blessings and find pleasure in the unique way we choose to honor our winter holidays - with or without the turkey worthy of a magazine shoot.

Cindy La Ferle is Writer-in Residence at the Royal Oak, Mi Public Library.  Her award-winning essay collection, Writing Home, is available in bookstores or on amazon.com. Visit Cindy's Home Office and blog: www.laferle.com