Waiting

Do you ever feel as if you’re never satisfied being in the moment that you are in?  I feel that way quite often.  If I’m brushing my teeth, I’m thinking about getting dressed.  If I’m eating breakfast, I’m thinking about making it to work on time.  After a short while at work, I’m thinking about when I can eat lunch, and after lunch I start thinking about when I can go home.  These are the types of small scale waiting that I do each day, but I have large scale waiting that I do as well.

I often wait for weekends and vacations, or a time when I’ll have more money or the house is finally the way I want it to be.  And then there are the really distant events.  For example, even though I’m in my thirties, I find that I sometimes daydream about retirement.  What all this waiting is really telling me, on a deeper level, is that I’m not content being in the moment.

Even as far back as middle school I can remember waiting for high school where things would get better.  Well, you remember high school, need I say more?  I didn’t find true happiness in college either, but I was sure adulthood would free me from all my fears and concerns (okay, it seemed plausible at the time).  It took a while, but I eventually understood that each stage of life offers new challenges.

Don’t get me wrong.  I really do like my life.  I would even say that I’m a happy person.  I have many wonderful things and people to be grateful for.  But, like most people I know, I have the waiting bug.  Never satisfied with what I have, always thinking something, someone, somewhere, or somewhat, will finally fill the void that nothing else has ever been able to fill.

And yet, out of nowhere, and for no apparent reason, there often arise those beautiful moments of peace and contentedness.  Usually they happen when my mind gets quiet and I can just be; maybe driving home on a warm night with the windows down, sitting in the shade of a big tree, or even sometimes mowing the lawn.

Somebody wise once said that if you go through all the trouble to go someplace, you might as well really be there when you arrive.  To me that means remembering that each moment is exactly as it should be.  So don’t fight it, just roll down the windows and enjoy the ride.

Jeffrey Mindell is a writer, cartoonist, lawyer and all around nice fellow.  He can be contacted at jmindell@gmail.com