Bob Dylan’s lyrics describing the landscape of the 1960s, holds true for us today “The times, they are a’changin’...” Especially so, the nature of how we relate to one another.  A new model of intimate relationships is emerging, one that reflects not only a physical union of two people, but a joining of head and heart, intellect with spirit.  This new way of being together in a more soulful way is often referred to as “a partnership,” or sacred union.

A partnership-based relationship is different than the traditional form most of us have grown up with for one very important reason.  It is based on the principle that when two people come together, they do so as equals for the purpose of spiritual growth.  Though, it is true, many people still come together, especially in marriage, for the purpose of creating a family, achieving goals, or because they fell in love.  More and more couples today are discovering that there may be a higher purpose in their coming together.  That if each is true to the ideal of living as their most authentic self, they meet and join to do the work of their souls.  To grow individually and mutually into the highest versions of themselves they can be.  When couples have this awareness, their relationship can begin to shift from being a traditional relationship toward one of sacred partnership.

Recently we counseled a young couple who personify this paradigm shift in action.  Tom was asked by his girlfriend Cindy if he minded if she went out for the evening with a male friend.  Responding from the emotions that welled up inside of him, Tom said that he could not make that decision for her, but asked her to stop and think how she might feel if he had called to ask the same of her, would she mind if he went out with a female friend.  Cindy admitted that if the situation were reversed, she would be devastated if Tom made that request of her.  They each agreed that going out with friends of the opposite sex might not be a good thing for their relationship right now.  Their response to this potentially volatile situation was polite and restrained; they managed their ego selves very well.

Yet, what Tom and Cindy did was negotiate with one another to keep each person’s ego feeling safe and comfortable.  This way of dealing with relationship issues is a traditional one, based upon therapeutic techniques of bargaining and making agreements with one another.  If Tom and Cindy relate to one another on this level, they’ll be superficially happily, dancing around each other’s egos, its dislikes, wounds, and insecurities.    “I’ll be nice to yours if you’ll be nice to mine,” could be the mantra for this ego-based relationship.

We suggested that there was another way they could have handled this situation.  In fact, a wonderful invitation for spiritual growth was being offered here, one that could take them into sacred partnership if they trusted one another as growth partners, and were willing to take a deeper look into themselves.

We invited Tom and Cindy to take that next step.  It involved looking beneath the compromising they’d done to see their egos at work.  Though not voiced in their original conversation, both admitted that feelings of jealousy, insecurity, worry, and distrust were present.  If Tom and Cindy could observe their feelings from a neutral perspective, they could comfortably sit down with one another and talk about how their egos had responded.  They could affirm and support one another’s findings. “Yes, jealousy was my first response.” “Isn’t that interesting” could be their new mantra.  By engaging in this way, as observers of the ego and its messages, each person gets to see their own  “stuff.”  Once it has been brought to the surface, it can then be released and healed.  In practical terms, what does this mean for Tom and Cindy?  It means that either one of them can spend time with whomever they wish, male or female, because their egos are no longer predominate, drawing them into thoughts and emotions tinged with worry.  Ultimately, it means personal and relationship freedom.

Relating in this way, with tenderness and trust, allows two people to move into a more profound experience of love together.  Their relationship is deepened, strengthened, because they have grown as individuals and as a couple.  Their commitment to grow together will take Tom and Cindy into greater daily experiences of Spirit.  More joy, peace, and gratitude will continue to flow between them.

Partnership is a way of being in relationship that honors each person’s healing journey and, subsequently, takes a couple deeper into a sacred experience of life.  The partnership provides hallowed ground for them to help each other grow and become more attuned to Spirit.  The focus of the relationship, then, is not on their differences, but on their similarities of experience.  Especially, the common experience of creating a satisfying, “new” kind of relationship together.

By pledging to be partners in growth, we can view even our disagreements differently.  In the midst of an ego tussle, we do not have to lose sight of our mutual purpose: to be our Spirit selves to one another.  We can remember that any difficulties which arise are invitations for spiritual growth.  In fact, difficulties can actually strengthen our bond if they are viewed as opportunities.  With every challenge comes an opening for us to heal, to let go, and to love from a deeper place within us ... to love one another as our true, Spirit selves.

Learn how to make your relationship a sacred partnership at the Lundy’s “Perfect Love Retreat for Couples” in October in Grand Rapids (see Calendar of Events).  Visit www.EnjoyPerfectLove.com to read excerpts from or purchase Perfect Love, their paradigm-shifting relationship book.  (800) 831-3230.