Understanding the Law of Attraction

Paul Ferrini

Many people think that the Law of Attraction means that they can create anything that they want.  So they set out to create their dreams and they end up with a huge mess.  Then they start beating themselves up.  They are convinced that there is something wrong with them or that they are deficient in some way. 

For many people the Law of Attraction turns into the Law of Detraction.  It is yet another concept that they use to crucify themselves.  It brings up not the abundance that they wish for, but the unworthiness that drives their lives at an unconscious level.

So it is important that we understand this.  When you are wounded, you create from your wounds.  You create unconsciously and generally you are pretty unhappy about what you create.

So let’s backtrack a little and see how the Law of Attraction can and does work. 

First, for the Law of Attraction to work, you must create through your connection with your Core Self.  That means that you are creating out of awareness that you are loved and you are worthy. 

Second, you must know what you really want.  That means your persona or False Self  has to shatter first.  Because what you think you want while the False Self is intact is not what you really want.  It is what others want for you. 

The False Self seeks to appease others or to win their approval.  It cannot create for your highest good or the highest good of others.  That can be done only through the connection to the Core Self.

What is The Core Self?

The Core Self is your essence.  It is who you are at the most fundamental level.  It includes all the gifts and talents you possess in their potential.  It is what makes you unique.  It is the blueprint you are born with.

All of us have a Core Self, but not many of us are in touch with it.  That is because the Core Self can be encountered only with unconditional love and acceptance.

When we are connected to our Core Self, we are connected to all that is.  We live in relationship to our Source or higher power.  We abide in who we are.

The Core Self is not in the world.  It is in our heart of hearts.

The True Self is the expression of the Core Self in the world.  It is in the world, but not of the world. 

All of our talents and gifts exist as potential in the Core Self.  They are developed and expressed by our True Self.  The True Self is the engine of our creative expression. 

Because it is aligned with the Core Self, the True Self is energy incarnate.  It harnesses the kundalini energy and puts it to work in our lives.

The Core Self is a noun, an essence, a potential. The True Self is a verb. It is action, movement, fulfillment.

The Core Self is about Being. The True Self is about Doing.

Doing must always be in alignment with Being or it will be wrong-doing.  All the work of the False Self is wrong-doing.  It is action without heart.  It is all about trespass and betrayal.

When Doing comes into alignment with Being, action is heartfelt.  It honors self and others.  This leads to right doing, right livelihood, right relationship. 

When the True Self asserts itself, we are reborn in integrity.  We become authentic and  naturally align with our Spiritual Purpose.  We live not from the outside in, but from the inside out.  Our life is no longer driven by fear and run by our ego.  It is inspired by love and directed by the indwelling Spirit.

The Birth of the True Self

The True Self arises like the phoenix out of the ashes of False Self.  It exists to honor the Core Self and it lives spontaneously by the Law of Attraction.  This is a natural result of our spiritual journey.  We cannot rush it.  We cannot fake it.  It happens when we have had the courage to look at our pain and have taken the time to heal our wounds.  It happens when we have learned to hold our fear compassionately and integrated our shadow side. 

The birth of the True Self is often called a Spiritual Awakening experience.  It is not always a pleasant experience, because the old self that betrayed us must die for the new self that honors us to be born.  The False Self with its ego agenda and search for external happiness must come to an end.  The shamed-based search for love and approval must be abandoned.  We must throw away our mask and look at our fear, our shame, and our hurt.  We must go willingly into the darkness of our psyche to reclaim the light.

Many spiritual students try to skip over this step on their journey, but it does not work.  Real happiness is not possible without deep emotional healing.  We have to go through many layers of forgiveness of ourselves and others.  It is serious work and it requires a great deal of patience and commitment. 

To support our healing process, we need to anchor ourselves in a daily spiritual practice.  That means chop wood, carry water.  Meditate or get quiet every day.  Take a walk by a stream or up a mountain.  Get grounded.  Put one foot in front of the other. Move the energy out of our head and into our heart.  Breathe.  Practice awareness.

If we are patient and disciplined in our practice, we will ripen gradually.  We will heal and become empowered.  Then our wings will be strong and we will be ready to leave the nest.

Patience, Practice, Preparation

Unfortunately, many of us are impatient.  We try to fly before we are ready and we crash rather rudely into the ground.  Then, we have to go back to the nest to heal and get stronger.  We may do this several times before we realize that being in a hurry is actually slowing down our progress. 

If we are smart, we won’t leave the nest until our wings are strong enough to support us.  We will stay and learn the skills we need to succeed. 

I recently met with the regional director for a large hotel chain.  He had been in the business for 35 years.  His first job was washing dishes.  Then he became a front desk clerk.  Gradually he worked his way up to General Manager.  He talked about his career with a twinkle in his eyes.  He was proud of what he had achieved and well he should be.

Still, I must tell you I know many people who are “too proud” to take a job as a dishwasher.  They want to be General Manager first.  They want to skip the steps.

One of the things that you learn quickly enough on the spiritual path is that you can’t skip any of the steps.  You can’t fly before you are ready.

Many people try to manifest their dreams before they have touched their pain.  Of course, it doesn’t work.  

If you want to build a house, you have to build the foundation first.  Then you can put up the walls and the roof.  If you want to manifest your dreams, you have to heal your wounds and recover your innocence.  Then you can meet the Core Self and be true to it.

First things first. 

I know some parents who buy their kids the best musical instruments before they take their first music lesson.  Three months later, the music store buys them back for half price.  You would think that by now they would be choosing the rental program!

Well, what can you do?  As much as you would like to prevent people from battering their heads against the proverbial wall, you can’t force them to stop.  Sometimes it’s a rather bloody affair and it’s hard to watch.  But sooner or later, each one of us reaches our pain threshold.

That’s when we stop looking outside of ourselves for happiness and turn our attention inward.  That is when the real journey of healing and transformation begins.  

                                                                                               Copyright 2007 Paul Ferrini

Paul Ferrini is the author of 35 books on love, healing and forgiveness.  This article was adapted from his two new books Real Happiness and Embracing the True Self.  More information about Paul’s books and his transformational retreats can be found on his website www.paulferrini.com  or email staff@heartwayspress.com.