Responsibility or Blame:
We’re All in This Together

by Erika K. Oliver

Running across the course to see my son finish the last half-mile of his 5K race, the voices of two women catch my attention.  I don’t stop running but I listen and hear one woman say, “That’s the school’s responsibility, not yours.”  What did she mean?  What were they talking about?  Their exchange stayed in my head for days.

Responsibility is taught as a positive character trait that enables us to take control and behave in socially and morally appropriate ways.  If we are responsible, then we are doing our share as part of a family, community, state or world.  When we act responsibly and make responsible decisions, we feel good and maybe even as if we are important to the “bigger picture”.

But, the women I overheard were not talking about doing their part in a larger system; they were talking about fault.  What we are taught about responsibility is often acted out as a culturally appropriate form of assigning blame.  No wonder no one wants to sign up for committees, run for political office or volunteer to head an initiative at work.  If we “take responsibility” we are, in many situations, positioning ourselves to be blamed when something goes wrong.

When I heard the women, a clear memory of the elementary school carnival rushed back even though my son is now in high school.  I agreed to chair the carnival committee but due to losing our home in a storm, I was unable to fulfill my commitment.  No one ever said anything to me, but their averted eyes, body language, and disappointed tone told me I was being blamed.

What if responsibility meant being “response-able”?  Doing your very best while knowing that we are all in this together.  We could do our part, part of someone else’s part if needed and allow others to help us when our own resources are scarce.  Ability is not static.  Our ability changes daily with our circumstances, all the while creating a balance of responsibility so that we give and get in equal proportions over time.

Imagine responsibility as an integrated community instead of a sole proprietorship – an employee-owned corporation instead of an autocratic hierarchy.  Choosing to think of responsibility as your part, just a part, in the whole moves us forward with love and peace.  Imagine doing what you can without fear of blame and with the sincerest sense of responsibility.

All of the “it’s your/their fault” conversations could be eliminated if we committed to not starting or participating in them.  Next time someone says, “It’s the school’s (or whomever) responsibility”, respond by offering your service or a suggestion to get the job done, the problem solved or the fences mended.  Let’s all take responsibility by doing what we can, assuming that others are doing their very best, and refusing to assign blame.  This definition of “responsibility” might help move us to a better understanding of each other, the world and ourselves.

Erika K. Oliver is a recovering pessimist with positive tendencies.  As a consultant, trainer and author of Three Good Things: Happiness Everyday, No Matter What! and the companion coloring book (BMS, www.readingup.com 2006), Erika uses creativity and humor to help people and organizations achieve their goals.  Please visit Erika at www.erikaoliver.com