Singing for Your Soul

by Laurel A. Sills

I was sitting in a Coney Restaurant that I frequent for lunch when a bearded man in his early 70's walked into the restaurant. He sat down at the counter stool next to me to order.  This man was Elfish looking...wearing suspenders, with white slightly disheveled hair, work pants, rolled up sleeves and a very jolly demeanor.  He was cheerful, outgoing, friendly and engaging with me and the wait staff.  The man had a brochure advertising the chorus he sings with that would be performing locally in the next couple of weeks.  To make a long story short, he and I began to talk about singing.  I told him that I wished I could sing but that I cannot carry a tune.  I told him I was embarrassed even to sing "Happy Birthday" to people.

He told me that he bet I could carry a tune and challenged me to match my singing notes with his.  I looked around and, at first, was too embarrassed to take him up on his challenge.  We were at the counter and only a couple of the wait staff could hear our conversation.  It was long after the lunch rush, so only two or three other customers were seated in the far corner of the restaurant.  I was extremely hesitant at first, but with lots of his enthusiastic and encouraging coaxing, along with my wish to sing better, I ended up singing out loud with him.  He praised me and commented that I could in fact, carry a tune.  He also teased me that it was my own beliefs about my singing that were getting in my way.  He thought it was ironic that I was afraid to sing when, as a psychologist, I teach others how to get over their inhibiting fears.  Ironically, the very message he was trying to give me was one I teach my clients all the time.  The message here is that we all need others to help us see things in ourselves despite how much we know.  We often hold beliefs about ourselves and our abilities that constrain us when reality itself does not.  Before my interaction with this delightful singing man, I was in a blah mood.  Yet, after he pushed me beyond my comfort zone, I left feeling uplifted.  The truth is that I love to sing.  I used to sing as a kid nonstop until I was told to stop already.  After many times of being told that I should keep my day job, I finally felt ashamed to sing out loud unless I was purposely distorting my voice to be funny.  The bottom line is that we need to be less concerned about what others think of us, and more focused on feeding our souls to be happy people - even contagiously happy people.

Identifying the things we love to do, the people we enjoy being around, the work we find rewarding, the values we need to keep, and then acting in alignment with all of those things will do more to ward off depression and keep us happy than anything else. Sometimes, we all need to be coached back to how we were naturally when we were kids. The best preventive health care we can give ourselves is to recall and relive our passions.

Dr. Laurel A. Sills (Doctor of Psychology), Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Life Coach has been in practice since 1987.  Dr. Sills encourages you to communicate your needs to yourself and to others and to balance your needs with those around you so that you can live your life with more joy and utilize the gifts you have in your work.  She can be reached at (248) 788-4230.  Visit her website at: www.BuildAStrongerYou.com or www.DrLSills.com