Gratitude and Grace Go Hand in Hand

by Brandon Bays

In order for gratitude to be true and full there must be total acceptance of what is here in this moment – even if it doesn’t show up in the usual, expected, accepted or obvious form that would normally invoke it.  It’s when you totally embrace and accept what is, without wishing to change it or fix it; when you totally allow life to be as it is, that gratitude overflows and grace is experienced everywhere.

I remember having an uncanny experience of gratitude that was almost overwhelming in its force, in the most unlikely of circumstances.  It arose from my total acceptance of what life presented, even though the outward appearances might have seemed utterly unfair and unacceptable.

It was about a year after the tumour healed.  At that time we were living in a tiny cottage on the beach in Malibu, California.  It was the autumn of 1993, and I had taken a couple of weeks to help my friend Elaine with a television episode she was directing in New York City.

Someone came into the studio and asked if anyone lived in the Los Angeles area, as a catastrophic forest fire was sweeping across and destroying tens of thousands of acres of land in the Santa Monica Mountains, along the coast of Malibu.  It had already been declared a national disaster.

When I first heard the news everything stopped for a moment.  I held my breath and became keenly sharply present, totally aware. I said nothing.  Elaine suggested it might be a good idea if I excused myself and went into the green room to get more details from the news, “You need to find out if your house is in danger, Brandon.”

The smoke was too thick to see what was going on in the immediate vicinity of the coastal beach area where I lived, but my heart broke open for all those who had just lost their homes.  I was aware that most residents in Malibu don’t have home insurance, as it’s too expensive.  So my friends weren’t just materially bereft, they were left financially devastated.

The next morning I got the news.  For whatever reason, the flames had unexpectedly leapt over the Pacific Coast Highway, and our little cottage had been consumed in a matter of minutes.  It was the only property on the beach side of the highway to burn down.

Even with all hoses poised at the ready, once the fire had started it was impossible to quell.  The cottage burnt down like so many matchsticks. Our car exploded in the aftermath, and so nearly everything we owned and had gathered in our eighteen years of marriage and family life was gone.

At forty years of age with no insurance I would be starting life at the beginning again, without as much as a set of dishes or a winter coat to wear.

My husband, who had also been working away from home, picked me up at the airport and, as we drove together up the Pacific Coast Highway, I felt a growing dread gnawing in my gut.

My husband and I remained silent for the whole of the ride.  We were left speechless with the breadth and depth of the devastation before us.  As we came around the bend near our cottage, I summoned all my courage, and quietly braced myself, expecting the worst.

Silently, we pulled up into our driveway.  My husband turned off the ignition.  Neither of us spoke: we just sat there staring.

My awareness was wide open.  I wanted to take it all in – to really see it, to face it directly.  All of my being became fully present, sharp.  I was keenly aware, and riveted into the moment.  As I looked, I saw the steaming remains of a hollowed-out façade, and beyond the blackened, burnt-out embers was a clear blue sky above the shimmering ocean.  The pitch-black beams created a stark silhouette against the vivid cerulean vista beyond.

There was something strangely beautiful about it.  There was life, in all her magnificence: all devastation, all glory, side by side in one stunning, dazzling view.

Tears began to well up: tears of gratitude.  Gratitude for the beauty of life, for the magnificence of creation, for the mystery, for not knowing anything – gratitude to be alive, to be allowed to experience just this moment.  All gratitude flooded, and my heart burst wide open.  It was just stuff.

I turned to my husband and said, “It’s amazing how much better you can see the ocean, now that there are no walls there.” He smiled, and nodded agreement.  He too was lost in a moment of complete awe.

Based on the book Freedom Is. Copyright 2006 by Manifest Abundance Limited. Reprinted with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. www.newworldlibrary.com or (800) 972-6657 ext. 52.