Emotion

by William Frank Diedrich

The other day I told a story that was emotionally powerful about love and forgiveness. People applauded. As soon as the applause stopped a man in my audience spoke out saying “Let’s all have a group hug.” Then he walked over and hugged me. People laughed and a couple of other men made remarks.

That kind of reaction used to embarrass me. Now I understand. Some people, mostly men, are just uncomfortable dealing with emotion. When I talk about expressing emotion, I’m talking about being authentic. This is my story.

I grew up in a home where positive emotions were not verbalized. No one said “I love you.” I never heard those words until I grew up. My parents were simply not able to say those words to us, and I didn’t say those words to them either. I was married at 21 and we had two children. During my twenties I told my wife and children I loved them, but never my parents.

When I was about 30 my mother needed a serious operation. I found myself feeling a great deal of love and concern for her the night before her operation. I called her. During the course of our conversation I had a strong urge to tell her I loved her. I told her. After I had hung up the phone, I was full of emotion. It was like the dam had burst, but it felt good. I had released something.

After that moment, my mother has made sure that she tells me she loves me every time we talk. I initiated it that first time, and she has initiated those words hundreds of times since. That decision changed our relationship. I listened to the voice within and that made all the difference.

There was another voice that I did not listen to. That voice asked: “Why should you tell her that? She has never said it to you?” What would have been the result had I listened to that insidious little voice? I would have missed an opportunity to create a closer link with my mother. I would have justified my inaction with blame and resentment.

We receive thoughts that encourage us to love or to forgive someone. When we act on those thoughts we usually feel good. When we don’t act on those thoughts it is an act of self-betrayal. We justify ourselves by making the other person an object, by blaming them, and by making them responsible for our inaction. Whenever we act on these inner promptings of love we offer an invitation to the other person to respond to us.
I didn’t expect anything back from my mother. My expression of love was not about me. It was totally focused on her. It was only after I had said it and had hung up the phone that I recognized how important my words were to me personally. My willingness to act helped me to discover what a loving person my mother is. It also helped me to discover that I don’t need to be afraid of loving someone.

Emotions are powerful. So powerful that they scare us at times. So I’m okay with other men teasing me or hugging me when they get uncomfortable. I have come to understand that my willingness to discover, understand, and appropriately express emotion makes me more powerful, more compassionate, and more joyful. My ability to accept my emotions is an invitation to others to do the same.

William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, consultant, and the author of three books. For information on speaking and his online classes go to www.transformativepress.com or www.noblaming.com.