Seeing is Believing: Making Authentic Choices for Ourselves

by Char Brooks

Using our eyes, we literally look out at the world. Those of us who are blessed with the gift of sight see a world filled with brilliant colors. Think of all the things you see in a day—different people, the limitless expressions on their faces, the crisp white snow, a scrumptious looking pastry to name a few.

Usually, when we “see” something we are focused outside ourselves. For example, we see our friend making a mistake by staying in THAT relationship. We see the neighbor’s dog barking constantly and wish it would stop. When we look at solving other’s dilemmas, what seems so simple to us is often very complicated to the other person. I have often said to my son, “Why don’t you just tell your friend that he can’t borrow your car? Just be straight with him.” Or, “I know just what you need to do. You need to...” Why is it so easy for me to see what he needs to do when it’s so hard for him?

Most of us have very busy lives and time can be limited. It may be a habit to rely on others to make our decisions because it’s just easier. But is that really true? How can we make our own authentic choices?

I believe that each of us has a gift to share. We are here to learn from each other and understanding comes from sharing our experiences. Though we learn and teach each other, we still have to ultimately make our own decisions.

Here are four simple steps you can take to make your own decisions. First, take a moment to explore what you’re thinking. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and listen to the rumblings in your head. Write them down and/or talk to someone else about your situation if that would be helpful.

Second, think about what value(s) are being called into question and name them. Trust, love, beauty, security, and responsibility are a few examples of values you may have.

Third, think of different ways to express those values. Then, take the fourth step, and decide what action you want to take. Remember that deciding to do nothing is also a choice and that there are no “magic” answers.

For example, Janet wants to buy a birthday gift for her friend Donna. She feels very confused. She wants to get something really nice but she’s not sure she has the money. She also wants to save for a trip to England. Thus, she’s taken step one.

The second step is to look at what values are being tested. Two values that are relevant here are her sense of financial responsibility and how she treasures Donna’s friendship.

Step three is to look at other options for expressing her friendship and being financially responsible. A few options are that she could write a letter, buy a small gift, or splurge on a lavish gift.

Lastly, she needs to decide on an action that reflects both her values of responsibility and friendship. Whatever she decides is actually irrelevant. There are no right answers. It’s the process that I want to emphasize that allows Janet to create her own life by making conscious choices.

Others may say she should buy a present or forget the present altogether. They think they know what is best. Often, friends and family have very valuable feedback. However, it is Janet’s choice that really matters. She can listen to others which may be helpful, but the point is that she is in the best spot to see what she really wants. Her final step is to take the plunge and make a decision.

Physically looking inside ourselves is impossible to do. However, we can get feedback, figuratively look inside ourselves and make an authentic choice. In the end, we can thank ourselves for a job well done or a lesson learned.

Char Brooks, the founder of The First Step, is a life coach who specializes in empowering individuals to take the necessary steps to reach their lifelong ambitions. She is a member of the Lansing Area Coaches Association. Feel free to contact her for a complimentary session to experience life coaching first hand. (517) 332-0755; www.the-first-step.com.