Tantra Revisited:
What Does It Really Mean?

By Michael J. Ureel

When I tell people that I am going to be attending a Tantra workshop this fall in Metamora, Michigan, mouths deviously curl into grins as if to say, “Oh, you’re one of those types, huh?” People think I must be a sex crazed Don Juan wannabe or something.

The truth is, I had the same attitude about Tantra, too, before I started to explore it. Tantra, it turns out, isn’t about sex per se. It’s much more than that.

Though I still have some reservations, the more I learn about it, the more I realize that it’s a fascinating, in-depth spiritual practice, one that could help our culture become, well, interested in sex again.

What? Who isn’t interested in sex?

Bodhi Avinasha is cofounder and an 18-year practitioner of Ipsalu Tantra Kriya Yoga, a style of Tantra. Despite their apparent obsession with sex—in books, magazines and movies, she said many Americans are actually pretty turned off by it, saying up to half of all women are not interested or responsive to it.

Recent books and articles seem to confirm this national headache. Recently released, The Sex-Starved Marriage joins I’m Not in the Mood, and Okay, So I Don’t Have a Headache as self-help books to jumpstart the sex lives of couples. Even know-it-all Dr. Phil on his web site is said to have called sexless marriages an “undeniable epidemic.”

So what’s up with our listless libidos?

“Sex is not connected to the heart,” Avinasha explains. “Sex is separate for most people from a true, profound loving experience. And that’s why it’s so unsatisfying; that’s why so many people have given up on it.

“In our culture, even though sex is everywhere … there is still that undercurrent of guilt or sense that it is a lesser thing,” she said.

Our religious beliefs, she said, have a strong influence over our attitudes about sexuality, which often relegates it to the dark shadows of the unconscious.

Ipsalu Tantra, said Avinasha, reconnects the body and soul once again, bringing sacredness and soul back to sexuality.

“Many spiritual practices try to make you separate the soul from the body, you don’t need the body, shut down the senses, they think that that is the way to God,” she explains. “And Tantra says, no, use the body, you can get to that same place. Actually the body and the soul are very closely related.”

So is Ipsalu Tantra simply a how-to of exotic sexual positions? Not at all. Using various yoga postures and breathing techniques—done either with a partner or equally well alone, it harnesses sexual energies in order to connect mind, body and the Divine. It’s a tool, says Avinasha, to awaken the true self, to live in a blissful state.

“Firstly, it’s not a sexual experience; it’s more about being present, learning to distinguish the ego from the soul and making a commitment to align yourself with your highest aspect.

“The practice takes the creative energies, which we typically think of as sexual, but there are many other ways to use that energy besides sexually,” she said. “We learn special techniques to draw that energy up into the brain and it wakes up parts that were dormant, and it allows you to access inner knowledge or a deeper wisdom.”

Twirling around on a merry-go-round, pouring rain hitting his skin like hot pin pricks, Andy Arends, of Royal Oak, Michigan, remembers his first taste of this blissful reconnection of the Divine and the body—feeling at one with the world—during a break at his first Tantra workshop.

Since then, Arends has trained as an Ipsalu Tantra mentor and will be co-facilitating at the Metamora workshop, November 5—7. He also works individually with singles and couples. His relationships, especially with his new wife, are the biggest area where he has seen the benefits of Tantra.

“It’s really helped me to be more interested in my partner, to really have a keen sense of wanting to know who my partner is on a deeper level, to not just be in the relationship but to move it forward, have a deeper connection,” said Arends.

Problems such as jealousy, which has effected his relationships in the past, are viewed differently now.

“It’s just kind of coming from a place of clear thought, not letting the fear get a hold of me and drag me into that place,” said Arends.

The source of jealousy, as well as most problems of intimacy, are the deep childhood wounds we often bring to relationships. They can be a huge psychological barrier to being fully loving and conscious with our partners, said Avinasha.

“I think there is a huge fear of making yourself really vulnerable to intimacy,” she said. “You open yourself to the deepest possible hurt if it doesn’t go well, and there’s rejection. And it feels like the most frightening space to have the sexual and the heart involved in it at the same time.”

Ipsalu Tantra works to clear up this childhood “residue” by using sexual energy and circulating it through the different chakras, or energy centers, of the body, where we hold these wounds. Borrowing from Buddhism, it also teaches non-attachment so you don’t get caught up in the drama of expectations.

“This allows you to stay more with the experience of the moment, rather than expecting it to turn into something else, like long commitments,” she said. “You find your completion in the moment, and if that doesn’t continue then it’s not so devastating.”

It takes time and work to clear up these wounds, however, but in doing so, couples can come to find a deepening to their relationship—or, at least a more honest one.

Said Avinasha: “There are many people who have come (to retreats) as a couple and found a whole new life coming into their relationship. They see in each other something new that they were afraid to express before. And, I’ve got to be honest, that there are probably as many couples that come in and realize that they are together out of habit or security or the wrong reasons. So it doesn’t guarantee strengthening, but what it does is bring honesty, it allows you to be authentically who you are.”

Michael J. Ureel has written about a variety of topics as a free-lance writer for newspapers and magazines for over 10 years. He also publishes an indie arts and culture magazine in metro Detroit called Joe Journal. He can be contacted by e-mailing him at ednote68@yahoo.com.

The Metamora retreat is a beginning level introduction to Ipsalu Tantra. For more information on Ipsalu Tantra, or the retreat, call Andy Arends at (248) 840-8077; or e-mail him at aarends@wideopenwest.com; or visit www.tantrikainternational.com.